One month on from Jarrid Wilson’s death, wife shares her ‘deep pain’
Matthias Browning

Matthias Browning

The wife of Pastor Jarrid Wilson has shared her thoughts as the one month mark since he took his life has passed.

Juli Wilson, the wife of the Californian pastor, who committed suicide, took to Instagram to share her thoughts and struggles.

Jarrid was a pastor at Greg Laurie’s Harvest Community Church and also the founder of Anthem of Hope, a ministry for those struggling with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.

View this post on Instagram

One month without you . Time always went by really fast with you around. It took 2 dates for you to tell me you loved me, and a month for you to get everything lined up to move from CA to TN to marry me. You always, always knew what you wanted, and I always, always knew you wanted me . Time is so much slower now without you here. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and now a month goes by and I feel as if I’m staring at sand dripping through an hourglass. The thoughts are never ending. The pain digs deep. I’ve never had more questions about anything in my life, and that’s mostly because you always had an answer for everything I needed to know. I so wish I could just talk to you right now to clear things up. To check in. To run my fingers through your beautiful, full head of hair and tell you everything is going to be okay . Time is one of the hardest parts of grief for me. Every second I’m further from you here on earth, yet closer to being in heaven with you. The in-between is a tough place to be. I find myself staring at our boys wondering how in the world I’m supposed to do this on my own forever. You were so good at this. You were so good at everything . Everything is wrong without you here, but I know everything is right for you there. I’m conflicted, confused, hurting and also full of hope knowing that God will wipe every tear and right every wrong. Life really is just a vapor, yours just happened to be the sweetest one, so this hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt . I’m not backing down, Jare. I’m running the race full force. With tears in my eyes and hope in my heart I will continue to tell every single person I meet about the love and joy of Jesus. I’ll finish our mission here on earth, although I will forever miss doing it hand in hand with you. And hey, just be ready for me once I meet you again. I’m gonna need a really, really big Jarrid hug. I love you. ❤️

A post shared by Juli Wilson (@itsjuliwilson) on

“One month without you,” she commented. “Time always went by really fast with you around. It took 2 dates for you to tell me you loved me, and a month for you to get everything lined up to move from CA to TN to marry me. You always, always knew what you wanted, and I always, always knew you wanted me.

“Time is so much slower now without you here. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and now a month goes by and I feel as if I’m staring at sand dripping through an hourglass. The thoughts are never ending. The pain digs deep. I’ve never had more questions about anything in my life, and that’s mostly because you always had an answer for everything I needed to know. I so wish I could just talk to you right now to clear things up. To check in. To run my fingers through your beautiful, full head of hair and tell you everything is going to be okay.

“Time is one of the hardest parts of grief for me. Every second I’m further from you here on earth, yet closer to being in heaven with you. The in-between is a tough place to be. I find myself staring at our boys wondering how in the world I’m supposed to do this on my own forever. You were so good at this. You were so good at everything.

“Everything is wrong without you here, but I know everything is right for you there. I’m conflicted, confused, hurting and also full of hope knowing that God will wipe every tear and right every wrong. Life really is just a vapor, yours just happened to be the sweetest one, so this hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt.

“I’m not backing down, Jare. I’m running the race full force. With tears in my eyes and hope in my heart I will continue to tell every single person I meet about the love and joy of Jesus. I’ll finish our mission here on earth, although I will forever miss doing it hand in hand with you. And hey, just be ready for me once I meet you again. I’m gonna need a really, really big Jarrid hug. I love you.

Jarrid has left behind his wife and two young boys, with the video above being shared just hours before his death.

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